Anne of Feudal Japan
by Anaphalis
Summary: She's tough. She's buff. Just don't call her "Carrots". This is probably the very first "Anne of Green Gables" X Inuyasha crossover. I'm so going to hell. (Complete)
1. Part 1: In Which Kagome Regrets Ever Ope

**Story Title:** Anne of Feudal Japan

**Author:** Anaphalis

**Story Summary: **She's tough. She's buff. Just don't call her "Carrots".

This is probably the very first "Anne of Green Gables" X Inuyasha crossover. I'm so going to hell.

**Foreword: **Well, you see, when I was on exchange in Japan I noticed this insane obsession with all things related to "Anne of Green Gables". Go figure. Anyways, it spawned this really bizarre idea about Anne and Inuyasha and pointy swords and well, I figured it would be cool to have what has to be the first "Anne of Green Gables" X Inuyasha crossover fic.... Aw, hell with it. There is no excuse. I am a bad, bad person.

**Chapter Summary**: You'd think that Kagome would have learned by now to be careful what she says....

**Disclaimer**: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Shonen Jump. "Anne" belongs to the estate of L.M. Montgomery.

**Warning**: Rated PG-13 for Inuyasha's potty mouth and Anne's violent temper.

**Part 1: In Which Kagome Regrets Ever Opening Her Mouth**

"Why, why do I have to read English children's stories?"

"I have no idea wench and if you don't stop whining, I'm going to take your En-gu-lishu story and shove-"

"That won't be necessary Inuyasha. What our beloved companion means to say, Kagome-sama, is that the rest of us have had very, very little sleep for the past three days because of your er... "difficulties" with this story. While we appreciate the importance of these 'tests' that you need to take-"

"What bouzo means is either read that shit quietly or watch it 'accidently' fall in a creek next time you ride on my back."

"Inuyasha...."

"Yah bitch?"

"OSUWARI!"

-

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The entire Inu-gumi looked like they had been run over by a very large steam-roller. Except that there weren't any steam-rollers in Feudal Japan. "Four days," Sango whispered into Kirara's ear. She irritably batted at Miroku- he was snoring on her shoulder and a trail of his drool was making its way down her throat. "I have gone four days without more than an hour's sleep a night. I am not like the houshi- I can't sleep in any position. I love Kagome, but this can't go on or I will burn the book myself."

Kirara made a noise that might have been agreement. Or a large hairball.

Things finally came to a head when the group stopped for lunch. After a brief session of muttering, ('You do it.' 'No, you do it!') and shoving, Sango was 'volunteered' as the least threatening person to approach Kagome.

"Um Kagome?"

"Yes Sango?"

"Um... what's-the-name-of-the-book-you're-reading?"

"cough#_Wimp_#cough"

"I hope that Inuyasha isn't getting a cold.... But to answer your question, Sango, I'm reading 'Anne of Green Gables' for my English language class."

"That sounds really interesting.... Say Kagome, do you think that it might be possible for you to not talk about the book while you're reading it?"

Kagome's lips started to quiver. Sango shifted into full-on panic mode.

"No! I didn't mean it! You can talk as much as you want! Sleep isn't that important!"

It was too late. Four days without sleep and weeks of panic had taken their toll. Kagome had gone into full-blown hysteria. "I hardly understand English as it is and all my friends are obsessed with this book and I don't understand why and I'm going crazy because none of it makes any sense to me and I wish that I could get my hands on the maniac that is the source of all these problems!"

Apparently the six fragments of the Shikon no Tama in Kagome's possession had a sense of humor.

Suddenly there were sparkly lights and loud popping noises all over the surface of the lake.

As the Inu-gumi stared, frozen, at the lake surface, a shape slowly emerged from the water and made its way to the lake shore.

"_Anne Shirley_?"

"Have we met?"

-

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"Kagome-sama, is she always like this?"

"She's a fictional character. She doesn't exist. She doesn't have a personality that can be 'always like this'."

"Well currently your non-existent character is eating all of Shippo's candy and we're grateful because it's the first time that she's stopped talking since we fished her out of the lake."

"How the hell did you pull that shit off anyways? It's not like you have the whole jewel to make a wish."

"I think that my miko powers got a magical upgrade."

"Stupid bitch- miko powers don't get magical upgrades."

"Hey if your sword is allowed to have magical upgrades my miko powers are allowed to have magical upgrades!"

"Um, excuse me, I've been so excited about all the beautiful bounty of nature that I nearly forgot...but where exactly am I and who are you people?"

"_And it's only two hours after she started talking._"

"Shippo-chan!"

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"So I'm a character in that fascinating book that has my name and house on it and somehow I wound up in a lake in Ancient Japan, speaking a completely unfamiliar language? And you're all magical people on a special mission to save the world? "

"That's pretty much it."

Silence.

"Oh this is amazing! I've always wanted to take part in a real Adventure! Can you call me Cordelia?"

"Um... wow.... You're handling this really well."

"Well obviously I have either tragically gone insane or I am having a dream resulting from all that plum jam I ate yesterday. And in my dreams I _always_ get to be Cordelia."

"Um, I remember it saying in the book that you hated your name, but truthfully it's a lot easier for the rest of us to remember 'Anne' than it is to remember 'Cordelia'."

"Another cherished dream denied. Such is life. Hey, that little kid is really cute."

-

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-

Kagome took aside the rest of the group while Anne was playing with Shippo.

"There are a couple of things that you need to know when dealing with Anne. She has a bit of an um... 'imagination' so just smile and nod when she makes strange comments and never, under any circumstances, refer to her hair as 'red'. She has a really, really bad temper in the book. That also means that you need to be strictly hands-off Miroku if you want to keep your hands."

"That beautiful, sweet-tempered, talkative angel has anger problems? I find that very difficult to believe Kagome-sama."

While Kagome was trying to keep her own temper under control, a whirlwind of dust suddenly settled in front of her.

"Ah, it is always good to see my woman.... Hey who's the red-head?"

There was an ominous silence. Anne's voice was deceptively calm when she started to speak.

"You look like Gilbert."

From the way Kouga was nervously backing up, his eyes shifting from side to side, it was obvious that he knew that this wasn't a good thing.

"You sound like Gilbert."

Anne took a step forward. Kouga took two back and let out something that might have been a whimper.

"And you said that my hair is _red."_

That was when Kouga made his fatal mistake.

"Isn't it?"

-

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Kagome and Sango quietly chewed a couple of Shippo's candies while they watched Anne give a cowering Kouga the tongue lashing of his life.

"So who is this 'Gilbert'? Is he a modern demon in disguise?"

"I don't know, but Eri said that she ended up marrying him."

"Oh... That makes sense."

"...And furthermore, my name is Anne, not Carrots, not Red, not Woman, and you will treat me with all the respect accorded a lady!"

"Hey Sango...."

"Yes Kagome?"

"Why is Kouga looking at Anne like that?"

"I think he likes her."

"Oh god. Not again."

"You're just jealous that Kouga's going after someone else."

Sango watched Kouga scratch a hard-to-reach itch while Anne continued to rant.

"Or maybe not."

-

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Will Anne defeat Naraku with her amazing powers of er...oh...never mind? Will Kagome ever understand her English book? Will the sheer stupidity of this story cause a great sucking vortex to form on the Net?

Find out next time in the exciting conclusion of "Anne of Feudal Japan"!

_Updated 11-30-04_


	2. Part 2: In Which Anne has Some Unlikely

**Author's Note**: It's a disease, I tell you! A disease! Oh, and Happy Holidays!

**Chapter Summary**: So a strange girl appears in the Sengoku Jidai and meets up with the Inu-gumi. Come on, what do you _think's_ going to happen?

**Disclaimer**: Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Shonen Jump. "Anne" belongs to the estate of L.M. Montgomery.

**Warning**: Rated PG-13 for Inuyasha's potty mouth and Anne's violent temper.

**Part 2: In Which Anne has Some Unlikely Adventures and There is a Happy? Ending**

"They're giggling again."

Inuyasha only grunted and resumed polishing his sword.

"Why are they giggling? I know that you could hear them if you tried."

Inuyasha just waved a hand at Shippo, who was curled up in a little ball on the ground, whimpering. "Make it stop. Make it stop. Please, please make it stop."

"Think I want to end up like the brat?"

Kouga had finally left after half an hour of ranting, his eyes still slightly glazed over. Ever since then, the three girls had been in a huddle, unholy giggling erupting every couple of minutes. Miroku was dying to know what they were saying. Despite Inuyasha's warnings, he was determined to creep close enough in the bushes to hear the secret thoughts of women.

"...So then Count Leroy von Fitzhaven swept Viola de Bijoux into his arms and branded her with a fiery kiss. 'We may not be able to be together my love because of the evil plans of my cousin twice-removed's gardener, but your beauteous purple orbs will always give me heart palpitations.'... Why are you two laughing so much?"

Kagome was literally rolling on the ground, while Sango was doing a good impression of a fish out of water. Sango recovered first and seemed to be desperately trying to find a way to change the subject. "So the women in your world really wear those uncomfortable kimonos with the huge sleeves?"

"They're _puffed_ sleeves and they're the height of fashion! My beloved guardian got them for me so that I could hold my head up in front of the other girls!"

Kagome, obviously sensing yet another dangerous topic, changed subjects again. "So who is this 'Gilbert' exactly?"

Fifteen minutes later she was able to interrupt long enough to say, "He sounds a lot like Inuyasha."

Sango nodded her agreement.

Anne looked interested. "What manner of person is your traveling companion?"

"He's rude."

"Like Gilbert."

"He's a jerk."

"Like Gilbert."

"And I love him."

"Like... What?!?"

"In spite of everything, Inuyasha is one of the most kind, most loyal people I know. He's my best friend."

"Oh." For once, the chatterbox was rendered completely speechless.

Miroku decided that this was as good a time as any to make his escape. He also decided that, in future, he would remember that Inuyasha was probably smarter than he looked.

-

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"We haven't had our daily encounter with Naraku and his evil henchmen yet."

"Wait for it. He'll be here soon enough.... By the way, what the hell is the mangy wolf doing back again?"

"Trust me. You really don't want to know."

"Why is he staring at that red-headed bitch like that?"

"Inuyasha, you really don't want to know."

As if on cue, a large cloud of poisonous insects appeared in front of a diabolically cackling Naraku.

Before anybody had time to react, Naraku released a miasmic cloud... straight in the direction of Anne.

When the cloud cleared away, an apparently unhurt but dusty Anne was standing in the middle of the road, her sleeves in tatters.

"You!" Anne's eyes narrowed dangerously. Everyone in the group took a large step back. "You. Ruined. My. Puffed. Sleeves."

She took a step forward.

"Matthew got me these sleeves. These sleeves are the only memory I have here of my beloved guardian."

She was walking briskly towards him now, a visible aura of menace radiating off of her.

Naraku was obviously confused, and didn't move to stop her. His hesitation proved to be his downfall. Anne was suddenly in front of him and slapped him across the face. Hard.

"You are a very Bad Man!"

To Kagome's complete and utter fascination, where Anne's palm had connected with Naraku's cheek, the flesh had started to sizzle and burn.

"Shit. She's a miko too."

"A powerful miko."

Kagome could practically see the hearts in Kouga's eyes.

Naraku was staring at Anne as if she was a demon from the ninth circle of hell. Without a word, he summoned his insects and beat a 'strategic retreat'. The rest of the group turned to stare at Anne who was busily twirling in the middle of the road. "What a beautiful, glorious day! Hey, now that the bad man's gone- can we have afternoon tea?"

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"We have to get her to Kaede, Sango. We have to find a way to send her back."

"What's the big hurry?"

"I think that Kouga left to announce to his pack that he had found his new mate."

"That could be a problem."

"What a gorgeous tail! You know, that reminds me of the time the twins had colic and I had to-"

"_Are you sure we can't just let him take her?_"

-

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Kaede was sorting through herbs in front of her house when the Inu-gumi arrived.

Shippo immediately latched on to her. "Red... Scary... My tail...Make it stop!... Please make it stop!"

Kaede turned to Kagome. "Would ye explain the meaning of this?"

Kagome waved in the general direction of Anne who was gesturing wildly while acting both parts from some obviously tragic love scene.

"I read a book. I made a stupid wish. The jewel hates me."

"I'm afraid that I'm still a little confused, child."

"I was tired and made a wish and the jewel popped a fictional character from the book I was reading into the middle of a lake."

Kaede didn't even blink.

"Have ye tried taking her back to the source of the troubles?"

"Oh... You mean by taking her back to where she appeared, the jewel may automatically reverse the wish and return her to her world?"

"If that pleases thee. Actually it is more that thy strange friend is giving me a headache."

Kagome was a little taken aback. She was even more taken aback, when, just as she was leaving she overheard Kaede muttering. "Just had to die and leave me to be miko, didn't you Kikyo? Just had to leave me to deal with these idiots, didn't you? One day you'll get yours, onee-sama!"

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Anne and Kagome stood together at the edge of the lake. After Inuyasha had started to make some threatening, and extremely non-helpful, comments about **other** ways to deal with Anne, Kagome had insisted he stay behind with Sango and Miroku watching over him. Shippo had also insisted that he stay behind because- Well, Kagome wasn't exactly sure why but she suspected that it might have something to do with the fact that he started whimpering every time Anne got within ten feet of his tail. In light of all this, Kagome was surprised that she actually wanted to say something nice to Anne before she left.

"Hey Anne."

"Yes, Kagome?"

"Give Gilbert a chance, okay? He may not be as bad as you think."

Anne paused for a second and smiled. Suddenly, Kagome could see what all the fuss was about. When she smiled, Anne was beautiful. "I'll think about it."

"It's- it's been fun." And to Kagome's surprise, she actually meant it. Suddenly, she wanted to warn Anne about all of the trials and heartbreak ahead of her.

Anne looked at her and her eyes were a lot older than Kagome would have expected. "Don't tell me what's going to happen. Part of the excitement of walking a road is _not_ knowing where it ends." With that, Anne laughed and jumped into the lake.

She didn't resurface.

-

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"So she's gone?"

"Yup."

"Well on the positive side, Naraku will probably leave us alone until he figures out that she's left."

"And Kouga's at least temporarily obsessed with someone other than Kagome."

"Personally, I think that Kouga-kun may be a closet masochist."

"What's a 'mass-o-kissed'?"

"Um... never mind, Shippo-chan."

"Since you still have that 'test' to write, did you manage to learn anything useful from this experience, Kagome-sama?"

"Well, I have a whole new respect for 19th century orphan girls. And I learnt how important it is to control one's temper."

"About time, bitch."

"Inuyasha.... OSUWARI!"

-_The End_-

**Reviewer Responses**

**Rockstar-groupie**: I'm glad that you enjoyed the story and thought that the idea was original. I really love both "Anne" and "Inuyasha" and even so, I'm still not entirely sure where this story came from. Hope you enjoy the conclusion!

**The Otaku Duo**: I'm happy that you liked the first chapter- I love Anne too and it was a lot of fun trying to write her into the Inuyasha story line. Thank you for taking the time to review!

**Tiamath**: I'm glad that you think that the story was cute- "disturbing" was the word that immediately came to my mind after I finished writing it, but I'm happy that it didn't come across that way to other people:) I think I can safely say that there probably haven't been any and won't be any more crossovers of this type. I hope that you like the conclusion as well!

: Good call on Anne driving them insane! I probably could have stretched this puppy out a bit more, but I really just wanted to do a short, fluffy two-parter like all those ridiculous cliff-hanger cartoons I used to see when I was little. I hope that you enjoy the conclusion!

**Fairy**: I really enjoyed writing this and it makes me very happy that other people enjoy my strange sense of humor and really, really strange imagination. Thank you for reviewing!

**Kaylana**: Yes! Let us hail the Anne-ie goodness! Um...yeah.... I decided that I wanted to keep this short and sweet, because I had an idea that if I tried to do a longer plot, the gods would forget about waiting for me to die to send me to hell and would just smite me on the spot. Thanks for taking the time to review!

**Speaker For The Five Year**: You know, I think that hell is going to be full of Bad!Fic writers. We can totally form a club and... come up with Bad!Fic plots! Yeah.... I think that might be more of a punishment for the rest of the world though ;) In case it isn't glaringly obvious, I really did enjoy writing this and I hope that you enjoy the conclusion as much as I enjoyed reading your review :)

**Arin Ross**: I hate to admit it, but I actually stared at "lo amo" for about five minutes trying to figure out what bizarre net-speak abbreviation it was. Yeah. My Spanish has really gone downhill. I am also fairly sure that no one else has attempted this type of travesty... er... "crossover". I'm really happy that you enjoyed it though:) It's always a pleasure to hear from you....

**Fornax**: Yes! You are the first person to identify the root source of my problems! My brain _is_ fried and the alien hamsters that have taken me over insist that I write "Anne of Green Gables" X "Inuyasha" crossover stories!

_Updated 12-19-04_


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